Akpos Craziest Jokes
|Akpos Crazy Jokes|
Here is another episode of Akpos that can spin your head with laughter like never before, If your Facebook Friends are offline don’t bother checking again, engage yourself with the Craziest Akpos Jokes, you will never regret taking a glance.
|Shootout Now Akpos Jokes|
Akpos is a character in the Jokes Genre, probably a ‘dump motherf**ker’ according to his friends, though the Niqqa always think his sence is a bit above everyone that’s why they don’t understand him.
- Money Above Life
Akpos had a serious accident with his brand new car. A police officer nearby ran to the scene to help them out.”This man’s car just hit my car! That car is worth Six million Naira! Now,my car is a total write-off! “The police officer shook his head in amazement and said “You are so materialistic. You didn’t even realize that your hand had been cut off”. Akpos looked at his bloody arm and screamed “OH MY GOD!!! Where is my gold wristwatch, and my ring!!?😀
- Lost In The Woods
Akpos bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: …
Akpos : Son where were you today during school hours?
SON : At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay I went to the movies!
Akpos : Which one?
SON : Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!) Okay I was watching p*rn.
Akpos : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know p*rn! (robot slaps Akpos)
MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mum a hot slap)
- Get Back
Akpos and two of his friends (Kwame and Thambo) are lost in a forest.For weeks, they lived there, and one day they find a magic lamp. They rub it and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says, “Since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one.”So Kwame goes first, “I have been stuck here for too long, I miss my family and my wife and my life. I just want to go home.”POOF!!! he’s gone.Then Thambo makes his wish, “I don’t want to die here. I’m so tired of this place! I want to go home too.”POOF!!! he’s gone.Then Akpos suddenly feeling so lonely said, “I wish those two were here.”😐
In a biology class, the teacher asked a question:
TEACHER: Class! What do we find in cells?
AKPOS: Honey, do you know people consider me as God?
WIFE: (surprised) No dear. Why?
AKPOS: Wherever I go, people always say, “Oh God! You are here again!”.😂
- Marriage Court
Akpos was charged to court for beating up his wife.
JUDGE: Why did you hit your wife with a CHAIR?
AKPOS: Because I couldn’t lift the TABLE.😂😂😂😂
- Dumb Akpos
A small boy named Akpos lived in a village in Warri, Nigeria. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, “You are driving me crazy Akpos!” One day Akpos’ mother came to the school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career! The mother was shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from the school and even moved to another town! 25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable heart disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful. When she opened her eyes after the surgery, she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died! The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong. When he turned around, he saw our friend Akpos, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his phone charger! Don’t tell me you thought that Akpos became a doctor?😅
- Bad Question
Akpos came home crying from school. His father went back with him to find out why his teacher beat him.
PAPA: Ma. Why did you beat my son?
TEACHER: Ask your son what he did?
PAPA: Akpos, what did you do?
AKPOS: I asked her why is Bra singular when it covers two items and Panties plural when it covers just one item?😂
- Goat Meat
During a lesson, Akpos yawns extremely wide.The teacher tries to make a joke, “Akpos, don’t swallow me.”Akpos replies, “Don’t worry ma, I don’t eat goat meat.”😀😁😂
- Jerry Can
TEACHER: If a man from Mexico is called a Mexican. What is a man from Jericho called??.
AKPOS: Jerry can.😠
Article Continues Below
- Bravest Man
One day, a king held a party to look for the bravest man who will marry her daughter. He invited all the men in the land and told them that the person to swim across the pool with alligators gets my daughter or a million naira. Suddenly, Akpos was swimming very fast across the pool. He successfully made it through.
KING: Wow! You made it sir, what do you want, 1million or my daughter.
AKPOS: Sir with all due respect I want nothing of yours. All I want to know is that bastard who pushed me into the pool😀😁😂😂😂
- Nice Taste
Akpos enter into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a tea spoon. He pours some liquid onto the tea spoon and offers it to the chemist’s assistant, “Could you taste this please?” says Akpos. The Chemist assistant takes the tea spoon, put it in his mouth, swills the liquid and swallows it. “Does it taste sweet?” says Akpos. “No, not at all” says the Chemist assistant. “Good!” says Akpos “The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”😁😁😂
Akpos was baptized in a nearby church. The pastor asked him to choose any Christian name.
AKPOS: Pastor, I would be much glad to be called Grace.
PASTOR: Grace is for females.
AKPOS: What about Disgrace?😮
A teacher came to the class and advised the children to work hard. She said, “Money don’t grow on tree.” Akpos stood up and asked the teacher, “If money doesn’t grow on tree, why do banks have branches?😀😁😂
- Sharing Formula
One hot afternoon, Akpos and two of his friends went for a walk. On the road, they saw a bag full of money and each of one of them suggested how the money would be shared amongst them.The first guy said; “I will draw a big circle on the ground and flip all the money up, which ever lands in the circle is mine, the rest is yours.”The second friend disagreed and said; “I will draw a circle on the ground and flip all the money up, which ever lands outside the circle is mine while the one that lands in the circle is yours.”Akpos thought for a while, and finally came up with his own crazy idea; “I will flip all the money up, which ever lands on the ground is mine, and anyone that stays up is for both of you.😶
- War Story
During an English lesson, the teacher instructed his students to write a composition.
Question: Assume you are in a war, write a story on your experience?
Akpos did not write anything and kept seated. The teacher got puzzled, walked to Akpos’ desk and asked him why he was not doing the exercise. Akpos replied, “I was killed immediately at the beginning of the war.”😂
- Future Tense
TEACHER: “I killed a person”, convert it to future tense.AKPOS: The future tense is, “You will go to jail”😀😂😂
- Blessed Are Those That See
A Reverend father was praying over the offering in church. Akpos opened his eyes and saw the father taking five thousand naira out of the bowl. The father saw that Akpos caught him red-handed.So he said “Amen. Blessed are those who see and remain quiet.” Akpos replied “For they shall receive their share, Halleluyah!”😂😂😂😂
- Chemistry class
TEACHER: Class, what is the chemical symbol for Sodium?
AKPOS: Na sir.
TEACHER: What is the chemical symbol for Barium?
AKPOS: Ba sir.
TEACHER: What will you get if one atom of Ba is added to two atoms of Na?
AKPOS: Banana Sir.😅
- Akpors and The Principal
Akpors was caught red handed by his principal writing “MAY GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL”
PRINCIPAL: What nonsense are you writing? [about to Slap Akpors].
AKPORS: Sir, I have not finished writing it.
PRINCIPAL: [angry] What do you mean. You are insulting me and you are telling me that you have not finished?
AKPORS: This is not what I want to write.
PRINCIPAL: So what did you want to write?
AKPORS: I wanted to write “MAY GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL’S ENEMIES”😂
- Type of Sentence
In an English class…
TEACHER: Mercy swept the whole Compound! What type of sentence is that?
AKPOS: Compound sentence sir!🙇
- Football Dream
Akpos went to the doctor, “Doctor every night in my dream, I am always playing football.” Doctor say, “Take these pills, they will help you sleep better.” Akpos replies, “I will take them tomorrow, tonight is the final game.”😀😂😂😂
- Who Is A Pharmacist?
One day, Akpos was in class when the teacher walked in. After teaching for sometime, the teacher decided to make the class an interactive one. Here’s what ensued…TEACHER: Who is a pharmacist?Only Akpos raised up his hand.TEACHER: Is it only Akpos who’s in this class?Still there was nobody else to answer the question except Akpos.TEACHER: Ok Akpos, answer the question. But before you do, take this cane and beat everybody in the class with it.Akpos, filled with happiness, did as his teacher said and beat all his classmates with the cane in his hands.TEACHER: Now you can answer the question Akpors. Tell these dumb studentswho a pharmacist is.AKPOS: A pharmacist is a farmer who assist people.The teacher fainted!😁😂😂
- A Stressed Man
A stressed man was thinking deeply in his office about all his problems, when suddenly a man rushed into his office and shouted, “AKPOS! AKPOS! Your daughter just had an accident and died!” He suddenly jumped out of his window. Immediately he remembered his office was 10 floors away, then he remembered he does not have a daughter and he also remembered his name was not even AKPOS!😁😂
Akpos and his Girlfriend were taking a romantic walk down the beach one cold night. Akpos grabbed the girl’s hands, drew her closer to himself, kissed her and said, “Baby, you know I love you so much. There’s no one here. Its just the two of us, let’s do ‘WEWEECHU’.” The girl looked around and said, “My love, I don’t want to do ‘WEWEECHU’ please. Let’s just hold hands and cuddle.” Akpos agreed. After a while, Akpos asked her again, “Oh baby, my love, please Let’s do ‘WEWEECHU’!” The girl replied, “Baby, don’t rush me. I don’t want to do it. I just want to be wrapped in your arms.” Akpos calmed down.After a long while, Akpos couldn’t hold it any longer. He said, “My heartbeat, it’s not fair oh! Let’s do ‘WEWEECHU’ na! We haven’t done it since last year oh! Let’s do it now now.” The girl reluctantly agreed. Akpos immediately grabbed her closer to himself, hugged her tightly, brought out the guitar strapped to his back and they both start singing, “WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! WEWEECHU A MERRY CHRISTMAS! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!”Got you didn’t I?! Dirty minds! What were you thinking ‘WEWEECHU was?😀😁😂😂😂😂
- Primary Five Class
A teacher told a primary five class that 2x+2x =4.Akpos got up and said, “Its a lie!”The teacher angrily said, “I have been teaching for past five year now, so I know what I’m saying!”Akpos replied, “I have also been in this class for seven years now.”😀😂😂😂
- Best Interview
Akpos is a footballer who plays for one of the leading clubs in the world. His team-mates advised him to prepare answers in advance for post-match interviews because his English isnt that good. They had a few mock interviews, and told him to answer exactly the same way during the live interviews because they usually ask the same questions. But it backfired spectacularly, as this never-before-seen interview shows.REPORTER: Akpos, firstly, I hear that your wife is pregnant. Thats fantastic news, Congratulations!AKPOS: Yes, thank you. All credits goes to my teammates. Everyone worked hard for it, especially Emake Chiguoze. It was a tight situation when he came in, but his performance was great, with the help from Taiwo Ogunsanya, who looked like he was really enjoying himself. Special thanks to Kwame Adjo for finding space from impossibly tight angles. And not forgetting George Abbey, who showed lots of energy when everyone was tired. The reporter fainted!😀😂😂😂
- Mathematics Riddle
In an International Mathematics competition…How do you write 4 in between 5?
CHINESE: Is this a Joke?
AMERICAN: The question is wrong.
BRITON: Not found on the Internet.
AKPOS: F(IV)E. 😇
- Female Voice
One day, a woman asked her son, Akpos to call her husband to ask him what he wanted her to cook for dinner. After the sixth time the boy complained to his mother that a female voice was what he heard everytime he called and the lady would not let him speak to his dad. By the time the man got home that evening, his wife was fuming seriously. She was so angry that she met him at his car and grabbed his shirt right there in the front yard. “How dare you cheat on me?” she shouted, attracting the neighbours instantly. “How could you? After all we have been through?”The confused man stared at her. He could not fathom why she was so mad at him. The neighbours tried to calm her down but she refused, and when someone asked for evidence, she recounted the phone call episode and called on Akpos to repeat everything the lady on the phone said.”The number you are calling is not reachable at the moment. Please try again later,” Akpos said.😂
A lady gets in an elevator and sees Akpos standing there. She tells him, “TGIF, sir.” To which he replies, “SHIT, ma’am.” Surprised, she replies, “Excuse me, I was just trying to be nice – T stands for “Thank”, G stands for “Goodness,” I stands for “It’s,” and F stands for “Friday.” Akpos replies, “S stands for “Sorry,” H stands for “Honey,” I stands for “It’s,” and T stands for “Thursday.”😀
- Bible or Iphone
PASTOR: If your bible and your Iphone is falling, which one will you catch first?AKPOS: My Iphone. Because the word of God cannot be broken.😀😁😂