Jokes Of The Day Page 3
Daily (SON) Jokes
Visit everyday to get a daily digest of funny jokes
27-04-19
?
LAWYER IN HEAVEN
A Nigerian Lawyer died and arrived at the heavenly gates. Saint Peter asks him, “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave some money to a beggar on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, “Well, that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.” The Lawyer said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave another beggar some money.” Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified. Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?” Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 5 naira and tell him to go to Hell.”???
26-04-19
?
The Farmer’s Horse
There was a farmer who had a horse and a goat. One day, the horse became ill. So he called the veterinarian, who said, “Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I’ll come back on the third day and if he’s not better, we’re going to have to kill her.” Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation. The next day, they gave the horse the medicine and left. The goat approached the horse and said, Be strong, my friend. Get up or else they’re going to kill you! On the second day, they again gave the horse the medicine and left. The goat came back and said, “Come on buddy, get up or else you’re going to die! Come on, I’ll help you get up. Let’s go! One, two, three…” On the third day, they came to give the horse the medicine and the vet said, “Unfortunately, we’re going to have to kill her tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses.” After they left, the goat approached the horse and said, “Listen pal, it’s now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on… Get up… Get up… That’s it, slowly… Great! Come on, one, two, three… Good, good. Now faster, come on… Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yes! Yes! You did it, you’re a champion!” All of a sudden, the owner came back, saw the horse running in the field and began shouting, “It’s a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a grand party.”He called his servant, “Tunde, kill and prepare the goat!”?????
25-04-19
?
RESULTS
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven. Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, “OK, well let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.” The preacher is shocked and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!” St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, “This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed.”?????
24-04-19
?
IDIOT
A preacher was giving his sermon one Sunday morning when a note was passed to him. The only word written on it was “IDIOT”Looking up at the Congregation the Preacher smiled and said, “I’ve heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names, but this is the first time I’ve seen someone sign his name and forget to write the letter.”????
?
23-04-19
Bank Loan
I am in search of a bank which can perform 2 things for me…1) Give me a loan.2) Then leave me alone!????
22-04-19
GIRL
G – Ghost
I – In
R – Real
L – Life So Avoid Girls
&
Forward Their Numbers To Me…
Don’t Worry Abt My Life. . .
I’m A Professional. . .
GHOST RIDER… ;->???
?????
21-04-19
?
Nigerians Crossing The Red Sea
If The children of Israel were Nigerians! While crossing d red sea, they would’ve wasted the whole day in the middle of the sea taking ‘pictures’ and uploading on Facebook and Twitter with comments like: 1. Chilling with Moses. 2. Miracle things on point. 3. Crossing mode activated! 4. Cruising in the red sea. 5. Pharaoh no fit catch us. 6. Omo see fish flexing. 7. Fish for sale, ping for delivery. 8. Flexing with Uncle Aaron. 9. Swimming mode activated! 10. Me and my boo on fish hunting. True or False?????
20-04-19
?
Suck Me
You pick me up, you remove my cloth and suck me. You suck me and suck me, you suck my juice until it’s dry and throw me away like a piece of rubbish… Stop thinking so far and wild, it’s just an orange. You all have bad minds.????
19-04-19
?
Family Tree
A man, who just got tested of HIV called his mom: MAN: Mom, I have tested positive.MOTHER: HAAA! Don’t come back home my son, DO NOT COME BACK HOME!MAN: Why mom, I’m still your son for Christ sake?MOTHER: You see my son, if you come back home, then your wife will be infected. From your wife to your brother, from your brother to our maid, from our maid to your DADDY, from your daddy to my sister, from my sister to her husband, from him to me, from me to the gardener, from the gardener to your sister. And if your sister gets infected, then the whole village is in trouble! So in the name of God don’t Come back.????
A pilot announced, “Ladies & Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggages must be thrown out.”A little later, the pilot says, “We’re still losing altitude, we must throw anything out that is in the cabin.”The plane continues it’s descent despite more things being thrown out. The pilot announced again, “Still going down, we must throw out some people”There’s a big gasp from the passengers! Then the pilot said, “But to make this fair, passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical order. So A, any Africans on board?” No one moves.”B, any Blacks on board?” No one moves.”C, any Coloureds on board?” Still no one moves.”D, any Darkies?”A little black Nigerian boy asks his dad, “Dad, what are we?”His Dad replied, “Tonight son, we are Zombies”